| experiencing existential suffering right now well probably not quite as i actually at some point know the reason for my suffering anyway, what makes the difference |
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| if not even that I am convinced of wanting it myself, how am i supposed to expect the whole universe to be convinced of bending everything for me? |
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| which life do i want actually
this, or that?
most of the people would dive for that, no doubt
but then i'd have to work REAL hard for it -- and that's not what i would want
but would i be just satisfied with this -- i dont know, cause my life somehow is not just about... me
it'd always be WAY easier if it's just me eh, but it's not
sometimes i'd hate myself wanting that
but pretending or conceiving myself that i dont makes me somehow just feel even sicker
the thing is i could never, ever neither let people know that i want it nor not
and i just have to be keeping falling again, once again, and again spiralling and being dragged deeper into the vortex
but simply cant help anything with it
well, not that nothing but it's definitely to be really hard and to exert myself to the best i could ever do
and everyone knows me knows that's not going to happen
so i mean... just deal with it and see what i've got in 10 years then
auf wiedersehen
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| holy crap
i'm definitely not gonna get in anywhere with that
freak
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| juz went see simon good news: the most expensive part of my laptop broken is gonna be fixed for free (i suppose) -- he said it's more or less costing me like a new laptop, so... bad news: no laptop during the break (it's taking several weeks) freak man, i dont even have a first draft for my ee how im gonna work it out damn |
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